there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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