You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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