I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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