doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
