I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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