i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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