so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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