She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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