She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk is a universal language darling
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