getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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