and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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