He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
