Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
