mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
