You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
