Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
