Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
