I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
