Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dear god my vagina.
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