we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
