its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize