Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize