Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
