Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
