I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
