i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
