I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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