Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
