North Korea, Best Korea!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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