do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
