I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I look better un-naked...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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