in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
