And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
