o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
