Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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