I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
