I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
