i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
