Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
