3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
