I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
