this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
