I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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