Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
