Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
