there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Buhtt sex?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
