I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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