I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
