just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
false alarm. still invincible.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
