what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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