I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
