My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize