He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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