2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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