so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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