i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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