I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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