I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
