What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
