all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
