dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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