Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
