just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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