I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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