Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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