Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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