Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My ATM looks so different sober.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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