franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
