I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
