At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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