i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
that is very illegal...i love you.
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