as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize