is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
