just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i've created a new STD.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
