remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
