It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
