i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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