I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
