if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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