Me. At least after what I've been through.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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