You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
