the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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