my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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