Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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