they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
