yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
