Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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