this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize