Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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