Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
