im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize