sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
