Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize