just come out here and I will go home with you...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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