Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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