if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
