Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
