Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
