From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
