You're completely useless in the revolution.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
