I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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