well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
