What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
