coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
