A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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