I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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