noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
