It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
