$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize